[SlugLUG] ResNet Forums

[Rohan Sheth]

I saw this awesome post on the resnet forums a while back and think
that all you have should have the pleasure of reading it. 

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Here is the story of a Catch-22:

Perfigo updates itself on your machine at about 10:30 PM. You are in
the middle of going through journal articles online for a paper that is
due at 9:30 AM. Suddenly, Perfigo is finished updating and it's time to
log in again. You type in your name and password, press ENTER, and an
error message pops up. You will not be allowed to log on to the network
until this error is fixed. It's a simple error, clearly stated in
language even a second-year computer engineering student could
understand -- "SSL certificate REV failed [12057]." So easy to fix, in
fact, that I can hear you chuckling with self-satisfaction from here.
Let's pretend, though, just for a minute, that you're normal.

After uninstalling the program completely, reinstalling it,
uninstalling, restarting, reinstalling, uttering voodoo hexes,
uninstalling, reinstalling through a different browser, and throwing
your chair across the room, the obvious solution is to look at the
trouble-shooting tips and frequently-asked questions on ResNet's
website. But wait, there's a Catch-22: You can't access anything beyond
the front page of the FAQs without logging in to the network. You can't
learn how to make the program work unless the program already works.
YOU CAN'T GET THE INFORMATION YOU NEED TO GET ONLINE UNLESS YOU ARE
ALREADY ONLINE.

You have no roommate. All the rest of your hallmates are either locked
in their rooms having loud, hot monkey sex, or else they're asleep
because they're pansies and they can't get by on less than eight hours'
sleep a night.

The Help Desk is conveniently closed during the hours Perfigo seems to
prefer updating itself, and if you wait out the Help Desk staff, you
will have exactly an hour and a half to do your research, write your
paper, and get to class. You must find a computer Perfigo has already
deigned to let onto the Internet, or at least one whose connection
Perfigo hasn't yet screwed. To whom do you turn for a computer which is
already on the Internet, which will allow you to access the information
which will allow you to access the Internet yourself? How will you find
someone?

Yes, that's right, you'll go door-to-door looking for someone, anyone
who is awake and not too occupied with Facebook to let you take over
his or her computer for a spell.

You will find that the ResNet trouble-shooting page you weren't allowed
to access is mostly useless to you, but will eventually discover the
solution to your problem on Southern Connecticut State University's
help page. You will be so enraged at the simplicity of the problem you
have now spent an hour and a half trying to fix that you will write a
long, sarcastic post to the ResNet bulletin board in order to get out
all the anger and aggression you've built up during this incident
(rather than, say, going outside and hunting racoons with a claw hammer
for a couple of hours).

What was the solution, you might ask? Here it is:

"Network Error: SSL certificate REV failed [12057]"

Follow these instructions to fix the problem:
Open up Internet Explorer.
Click on Tools -> Internet Options.
Click on the Advaced tab
Scroll down towards the bottom to the Security section.
Uncheck "Check for server certificate revocation."
Close Internet Explorer and the Clean Access Agent.
Start the Clean Access Agent and login.
Simple and intuitive, just as Windows programs should be.

So what have we learned from this experience?

1. If you're going to use notoriously buggy software with weird
compatibility issues to block unapproved machines from the network, at
least make sure that those machines can access all applicable help
pages even if blocked from the rest of the Internet.

2. If at all possible, make sure that the aforementioned buggy software
updates itself only during business hours, so that less computer-savvy
folk (and there are a lot of them) can get something better than
next-day service on what are first and foremost crucial academic tools
(in addition to also being overly-expensive video-game consoles, porn
and music samplers, and general objects of obsessive-compulsive
fixation).

3. In addition to being accessible, a
trouble-shooting/technical-support guide needs to be thorough. Odds are
your customer isn't going to go to the information source of last
resort for something easy and common.

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Well, I've been waiting for half a month now for a response, so I'd
just like to add the following:

Might I just say that, looking back at my early Internet experiences,
remembering AOL is the thing that makes me most nostalgic. I mean, who
(among the non-STARS student population) isn't immediately taken back
to childhood by "You've got mail! [sic]" and the sound of beeping,
buzzing, and other weird electronic noise pouring out of the bowels of
his or her computer as it attempts to find a server somewhere that
isn't clogged?

Do you know what I miss most, though? Yep, you guessed it: signing in
every time I want to get on the Internet and waiting for a distant
server to authenticate me before I can surf the 'Net in style. Nothing
validates your existence and lets you know you're really online like
having to type in a user name and password every single goddamn time
you want to get onto the network.

I mean, how annoying are these newfangled, "always-on" broadband
connections that are up and running the very moment your computer is
done booting up? I much rather prefer to have my computer finish
booting with an error message saying that Perfigo hasn't loaded
correctly and then have to click through that, reload Perfigo, and then
sign in -- at every restart. (This is doubly hilarious with ResLife
asking us to turn off our computers whenever we don't need them, in
order to conserve electricity. Why put ourselves through all that
hassle when it can be minimized by keeping our machines on, 24/7?)

This is crap, ResNet. You wouldn't put up with this from your ISP at
home, and I refuse to believe that this is the best you can do here. As
an ordinary ResNet user who has used ResNet from Fall 2001 to Spring
2004 and from Spring to Summer 2006, all I can ask for is TRANSPARENCY
NOW.

P.S.: I never did get that paper done on time; my bitterness wasn't
enough to keep me awake in the end. Thanks for trying, though.


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