[SlugLUG] SMAUG and Call center conversations

Sat Jul 14 19:36:40 PDT 2007

For a little levity, read the humor attached below. Maybe I should
submit this to User Friendly:

  http://www.userfriendly.org/

Anyhow, there will, yet again, for those in Santa Cruz, be at least
two people attending the weekly SMAUG meeting at 8pm on
Monday, at the Santa Cruz Pizza and Grille on Pacific.

  http://www.scruz.org/

Beer, pizza, sandwiches, free Wi-Fi, freely refillable soft drinks,
amusing company of geeks, all that LUG-type stuff.

Read on for giggles.

- Peter

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: David A. Belew <dbelew at mcn.org>
Date: Jul 14, 2007 6:53 PM
Subject: Fw: Call center conversations
To: Peter Belew <abcruzww at gmail.com>

----- Original Message -----
From: "Mark Safron" <marks at mcn.org>
Sent: Friday, July 06, 2007 3:19 PM
Subject: Call center conversations

Supposedly true Call center conversations!

Customer:     "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get
through; can you help?"

Operator:     "Where did you get that number, sir?"

Customer:     "It's on the door of your business."

Operator:     "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics-
Caller:    "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator:   "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about."

Caller:  "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
and telephone Jack before cleaning.  Now, can you give me the number
for Jack?"

Operator:   "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Operator:   RAC Motoring Services, may I help you?

Caller:  "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I
am traveling in Australia?"

Operator:  "Does the product name give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)
 "If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I
have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller:  "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the
spelling is correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B'
fell off."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller:   "Yes. That's what it says  on the label -- Woven
in Scotland."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds
from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm  steaming up the window to write the
number on."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:      "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer:             "OK."

Tech Support:      "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer:             "No."

Tech Support:  "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer:             "No."

Tech Support:      "OK, sir. Can you  tell me what you have done up
until this point?"

Customer:    "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:   "OK. At the bottom  left hand side of your
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer:  "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized
that I need it. So, if I turn my  system clock back two weeks will I
get my file back again?" (Actually you'll be able to do something  like
this in Mac OS 10.5)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think
this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is  a true story
from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording
monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help
Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I  know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:   "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller:   "Yes, well, I'm having  trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator:    "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller:  "They disappeared."

Operator:   "Hmm. So what  does your screen look like now?"

Caller:   "Nothing."

Operator:  "Nothing??"

Caller:  "It's blank; it won't  accept anything when I type."

Operator:  "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller:  "How do I tell?"

Operator:   Can you see the  'C: prompt' on the screen??"

Caller:  "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator:   "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller:   "There isn't any cursor;  I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."

Operator:   "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller:  "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the  screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller:     "I don't know."

Operator:  "Well, then look on  the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you  see that??"

Caller:    "Yes, I think so."

Operator:   "Great. Follow the  cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were  behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables  plugged into the back of
it, not just one??"

Caller:   "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator:  "Follow it for me, and  tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer."

Caller:  "I can't reach."

Operator:  "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller:   "No."

Operator:   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over??"

Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's
because
it's dark."

Operator:  "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only
light I have is coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller:    "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator:  "A power .... A power  failure? Aha. Okay, we've
got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"

Caller:   "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was  when you got it. Then
take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator:  "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller:  "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator:  "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"

 --
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